Correspondence between a panda and a textbook author

Dear Humanity,

I am a 225lb panda living in Gansu, China. I’d like to draw your attention to the rapidly decreasing habitat in which I and my fellow black-and-whities reside. My main concern is the increasing scarcity of bamboo, which constitutes the vast majority of my diet. As a result of this, there are now very few of us left. Seriously, it’s pandamonium!

Now, I would not wish to place the blame upon you, Humanity, but it is true that pandamic industrial farming methods, deforestation and the encroaching rumble of human infrastructure has played a rather destabilising role in the dwindling number of my fellow panda-folk.

Thus, perhaps we might come to some sort of compromise? We, Ailuropoda melanoleuca, will continue to appear cutesy and cuddly, occasionally sneezing for your cameras, if you, Humanity, will make our endangerment part of the education of your youngsters: where we teach our…

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